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event_reports:lock-up_for_literacy

Crisis Evaluation for “Lock-Up for Literacy Incident”.

Item(s) or Subject(s) Involved: Faceless Corporation staff, “Lock-Up for Literacy” charity organizers

Staff Member(s) Involved: W Stricks, M Banyon, A Gilbert

Summary of Incident:

Faceless Corporation approached by “Lock-Up for Literacy” charitable campaign, for the purpose of placing a senior staff member in “lock-up” at local restaurant. Staff member W Stricks to be given basic nourishment until “bail” raised by other employees.

Charity refused to release staff member when it became clear bail would not be raised. Possible petty theft of donations involved. Hub employee M Banyon and as of yet unplacable employee A Gilbert attempted to remove W Stricks from what may be regarded as a kidnapping/hostage situation.

Caper resulted in defrauding charity representative in return for safe release of W Stricks. Legal action not expected, as the Faceless Corporation would only be liable for the original bail amount.

Related documentation: (Source: Inter-office communication)

Good news this afternoon!

As you may know, the Faceless Corporation was approached by the “Lock-Up for Literacy” charity campaign. In keeping with the tradition of this event, one Faceless Co family member will be “locked up” with other business professionals at a local Longneck Steak House.

During this period of time, companies are expected to raise “bail money” in-house, to be donated to promote literacy across the globe.

This year's fundraising goal, per Lock-Up volunteer, is a mere $1,000.

With so many hard-working men, women, and others employed by Faceless, I'm sure we can rocket past this number in no time and free our “Jail Bird”!

After due voting process, Faceless is proud to announce our volunteer:

Wertram Stricks!

Enjoy the free food and beverages from Longneck, and we hope you make a few friends while you're behind bars. Don't get too comfortable, though! We'll have you bailed out in a snap!

Thank you to all who voted, everyone who volunteered, and of course to Mr. Stricks himself.

THANK YOU MILES I PLAN TO ENJOY THE TIME OFF WORK EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT HEAR ABOUT THIS UNTIL THEY CAME TO PICK ME UP

MY FREE STEAK IS HERE

I've put in $25 to get the ball rolling. Let's buy Mr. Stricks his freedom! :)

HEY LYDIA

EARL REGIS FROM MARKSMAN CONSULTING IS HERE AND HE SAYS YOUVE MET

SHOULD I GIVE HIM YOUR REGARDS OR PUNCH THE OLD DOG OUT

I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT MY COMPANY CARD I COULD GO FOR A SLICE OF PIE AND COFFEE

Good luck, marketing is pulling for your release.

I should remind everyone that donations can be made at the Hub. We have “prison issue” mop buckets out for folks to drop any amount they choose.

I expected a rush, but it's been more of a trickle. Pitch in, folks, it's for a great cause!

Hey Wertram, if you spot Donnie Cheng from Tycoon Industries - young guy, short, extremely fake laugh - give him a good old clap on the shoulder and tell him that Carl send his regards, would you? He'll know what I mean. ;)

I MET A DONNIE BUT HES GONE IM GLAD I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE LAUGH

ALMOST EVERYONE WAS OUT WITHIN TEN MINUTES HOW MUCH HAS BEEN RAISED AS OF RIGHT NOW

Unfortunately, the current total is below $100. Can we get the word out to each department?

DONT SUGAR COAT IT HOW MUCH

$25.

I was just at the Hub! I thought the roof was leaking with all those buckets out. Ah, well. You know I'd be good for it if I'd known. Good luck, guys!

SOMEONE BRING MY COMPANY CARD THEYLL ONLY GIVE ME TAP WATER

ITS ON MY DESK

I talked to Rebecca, and we can't seem to locate your card. We might want to talk about converting from paper filing systems to digital in the future. I did find the Gormel Report you've been asking for, however, so that's a bonus.

I hate to say this, but would it be possible for you to simply leave “Lock-Up” and come to the office? You'd have a better time with your system than we have had, I'm sure, and you could return to complete the fundraising.

I TRIED THAT BUT THEY WONT OPEN THE BARS

CASTAMANO FROM BURGESS RETAIL IS LEAVING HES THE LAST ONE

Oh. They have actual bars. That's clever.

I don't think Faceless agreed to that. Wertram, feel free to move them or simply push through. That seems a bit beyond reasonable.

I AM NOT CHARLES ATLAS

This sounds like an interesting event. I'm bringing $30 from some of us in R&D. We need Mr. Stricks' signature by end of business tomorrow or we're going to blow a deadline on something.

TOMORROW ARE YOU JOKING

THERE IS A SNOT NOSE KID GAWKING AT ME I THINK I CAN GET THE KEYS IF I OFFER HIM A LOZENGE

FORGET IT HIS MOTHER IS NUTS

My desk-mate Mindy has some bottled water and snack cakes. I'm going to take an emergency break to bring them by. It should tide you over on the off chance this bleeds into tomorrow morning.

Again, I think that's very unlikely. Consider it a fail-safe measure.

I'm helping. I'll drive. Sports car parked in the Evac Lane. Escort mission!

DONT LET THEM SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONNIE OPENED SOME CRACKERS AND THEY PITCHED A FIT

We'll hide it in my briefcase, I don't need it. This is so cool.

I suppose your car would be faster, though I'm having second thoughts. Perhaps I should re-check the buckets and see if there's been a sudden influx of donations. In fact I'm willing to bet the higher-ups have this covered. Sometimes things take time when coming down the ladder.

Motor's running, Miles!

Andy, can't you just give Mr. Stricks your own card? It seems as if all of this could be easily solved.

You could have at least taken our paperwork with you to have Mr. Stricks sign it.

Wow, are we really going to torpedo seven years and millions of dollars in preparation because of a thousand bucks?

Andy, when you read this please turn around and come back for the paperwork. I'm assuming you will most likely check messages repeatedly while driving.

Halfway there. Change of plans, we're breaking Stricks out.

I did not agree to that.

Please refrain from forcibly liberating Mr. Stricks from a charity fundraising program.

I can't stress it enough – that is a bad idea.

Andy I can fax the documents if Longnecks has a fax machine. I may have inadvertently made the situation seem more dire than it is. Please ask the Manager on duty if they have a fax machine.

Go time. Miles is on my six.

I'm not “on his six”.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, and I personally oversaw focus group viewings of “The Mr. Ridiculous Nonsense Hour” with twenty shrieking kindergartners. Just why?

Good news and bad news.

Unfortunately, Mr. Stricks is no longer here and Lock-Up for Literacy staff won't say where they're keeping him. Apparently they checked his phone and saw our communications.

The good news is that they promise he's safe, and they're willing to work on the donation goal with us. They've reduced it to $800, but I might be able to talk them down further.

Can someone from upstairs help out, here?

Andy is vehemently insisting on proof of life.

I just got in touch with someone regarding your request. They're of a mind that this is an important team-building experience, and that a proper family pools its resources when needed.

Thank you for trying, Ms. Chambers.

Alright, well… we're following someone to an undisclosed location where we'll apparently be met by a bookmobile. Mr. Stricks should be inside, if we're being told correctly.

Is Faceless tracking our phones, by any chance?

Iceman and Tails en route to drop zone. Retrieving Pappy and proceeding to extraction point.

Pardon?

Guy talk.

So I'm waiting by a fax machine for nothing, is that correct?

Neil, I'm sorry for your trouble. Andy, please conduct yourself in a professional manner. Being out of the office does not mean you're beyond protocol.

NEVER AGAIN

We're coming back, now. I gave them the “payment” in return for Mr. Stricks. They're probably going to be pretty mad when they look inside the briefcase and see water and snacks.

No need for thanks, just getting back to base ASAP.

HOW DO I PASSWORD PROTECT MY PHONE

We can discuss that over the paperwork. It's easy enough, but you'll need a mixture of characters and numbers, as well as uppercase and lowercase.

Thank you, Andy. Questionable tactics to say the least, but I appreciate the results.

SET MY PASSWORD TO BE REBECCA

Sorry to be a bother, everyone. I'm going to need someone to pick me up at the parking garage next to Starscape Hotel. Preferably not Andy.

Final Suggestion: Retrain & garnish wages of M Banyon.

event_reports/lock-up_for_literacy.txt · Last modified: 2017/06/27 07:11 by slimebeast