Item: Dreadslaught Arcade Cabinet
Designation: Product (Recalled)
Storage Contact: Oscar Blonk
Number in Storage: 1
Jet black arcade cabinet which stands just over 6' tall. Airbrush-style graphics of a muscle-bound barbarian and several abstract mutant creatures reside on either side of the machine. Screen is of average size, and controls consist of joystick and four buttons colored red, blue, green, and yellow. Accomidates four players.
Title “DREADSLAUGHT!” appears on marquee above screen.
Four coin slots each marked “50 cents” located below controls, along with locked panel for retrieval of coins or tokens. Base of cabinet has four clawed “feet” similar to those of an antique bathtub or a cauldron.
When powered, machine plays a looping theme with heavy bass. Onscreen visuals during attract mode show short clips of game playthrough, including protagonists fighting a horde of goblins, running from a cave-in, and surrounding a cycloptic blob “mini-boss”.
Lead character (the Barbarian) periodically shouts “ONWARD!” at random intervals.
Reason for Storage:
This unit appears to be malfunctioning in that it allows free play for all four players with no need for depositing the 50 cent fee. Pressing any button will start the game and place the corresponding character in action.
Furthermore, game progresses beyond intended amount of levels, leading players into additional randomly generated maps which re-use mismatched graphics from previous levels. Some enemies and other non-player characters appear to have sections of their sprites swapped out as if they are a new creature being encountered. Objects including weapons may re-appear with different names and stats.
No known programming glitch has been found to account for these problems. Tampering suspected.
Final Order: Temporary Storage
Notes: We're keeping it in the break room down here at storage. Is this permitted, since that's technically part of the storage area itself? Will attend to it as needed to ensure no permanent damage or wear occurs. We've taken all the top score spots, and one of us was on an incredible streak until he ran into some bubble-headed rock men.
I can't help but wonder if there are more of these out there, but nobody wants to report it because of sheer entertainment value.